What Hurts the Most
by Sage Cooper Sambora
Summary: FIXED! There where some porblems that made me mad so I fixed them. SONGFIC! Takes place after Snape Wants Vengeance! Guess you could say it is a sequel. What happened 24 hours after his meeting with Voldemort and reliving the worst day of his adult life? Song: What Hurts the Most by: Rascal Flatts


_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don't bother me_

Severus sat in his room listening to the rain fall. It had been only twenty four hours since he had his meeting with Voldemort. Twenty four hours since he had cried in front of Poppy, Albus, and Minerva. Twenty four hours since he had the Cruciatus Curse put on him. Twenty four hours since he had talked about Nix.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

He still cried some days. He could never fully get over Nix. She liked most of the same things Severus did. Of course he tried to push her away at first, but she would have none of it. Nix may have been Voldemort's sister, but she was nothing like him.

_Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok_

After he first lost Nix he told Albus and everyone else that he was fine and that Nix meant nothing to him. It was a lie of course. The staff knew it. Nix was special to Severus. She made him turly happy. Nix could always make him smile. She could always make him tell the truth or make him feel better when he was down.

_But that's not what gets me What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was tryin' to do_

He could not believe how colse he had become to Nix. He was use to waking up with her next to him. He was use to her saying she loved him. Always and no matter what he did. She didn't mind that he use to be a Death Eater. Or that he killed people. She did the same. When she was younger she did whatever her brother asked her to. Then she saw it was wrong and did the same as Severus. She went to Dumbledore asking for help.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go But I'm doin' It_

Everywhere Severus went reminded him of Nix. Sleeping in his bed reminded him of the first time they made love. Eating in the Great Hall reminded him of the first time they met. Going to Leaky Cauldron reminded him of the day he asked her out on a date and she had said yes. Being in the kitchen at Hogwarts reminds him of the first time he saw Nix crying. Being at his home in Spinner's End reminded him of the first time he told her about his parents.

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone Still Harder_

It was hard for him to face Lucius and Narcissa. Or any of the students how calimed to be in love. He could see Minerva and Albus had started to fall for each other. It hurt because he would never love anyone else the same way he felt for Nix. Sure he said that after Lily had died, but when he saw Nix he completely forgot about Lily. He knew Albus and Minerva were trying to hide their love from him, but he could still see it. Lucius and Narcissa on the other hand always showed more lovey dovey feelings when he was around. It made him sick.

_Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret But I know if I could do it over_

Severus blamed himself for Nix's death. Severus and Nix had been out for a walk when the Death Eaters planned a raid on Hogsmead. Nix had a price on her head, but she was good at hiding. Severus knew there was going to be a raid, but he was not told where. He thought they should have stayed in, but she wanted to go out. He could never say no to her. They where spotted right away. Severus grabbed Nix pretending to have caught her. They had a conversation about what would happen if they where spotted by Death Eaters. Nix was taken to Voldemort and Severus was summoned to watch. Since he had 'caught' her.

_I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken_

He would give up anything just to have her back. He would sell his soul if he could. He would give up his voice; he would even give up getting together with her if he knew if would bring her back. He never told her how he really felt. Severus never told her what she meant to him. He never told Nix how much he loved her. The last thing he ever said to her was, "I caught the little bitch!" He never thought she was a bitch. She knew that, but that didn't make Severus feel any better.

_What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have beenAnd not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do_

He was slowly getting better, but he would never be the same. How could he be the same? He lost the love of his life. He lost the one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. How could he be alright? He lost his soul mate. No one understood how he felt; no one knew the pain he was in. Everyone had their soul mate or where to young to know what that was yet. He would be alone forever. No one would want to be with him. And vice-versa.

_What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do_

Severus knew what he had to do. If he was ever going to be happy again he knew he needed to do this. It would upset Albus, Minerva, and Poppy, but they would understand in the end. He made sure no one knew where he was or what he was going to do. He acted like he always did and never showed any sign of wanting to do this.

_Not seeing that loving you _

Severus stood and walked over to his fire place. He left Albus a note explaining what he did. Severus knew Albus would be worried when Severus didn't show up for brekfast in the morning. He floo'd to his home at Spinner's End. He walked into his childhood bedroom and pick up a vail he kept hidden under the bed. He made it as a back up plan in case he was caught spying. It was a fast acting posion. He quickly downed it and collapsed; he was dead before he hit the ground.

_That's what I was trying to do_


End file.
